Independent watchdog project. Not affiliated with the State of California, DHCS or Medi-Cal Dental.
Not the State of California
A man who helps people for a living, a woman who denies dental claims for one, and a very quiet sister sit down to dinner. Potato skins are ordered. The song does the rest. A parody cartoon in one act, with the script beside it so you can follow along.
Now showing
Press play. The camera moves, the cast acts it out, and the words light up as they are sung. Tap any line of the script to jump to it. Three minutes and thirty two seconds, sound on.
The cartoon needs JavaScript. The track plays here without it, and the script is printed below. Charity Boy is a work of parody. Frederick, Caroline, Esmeralda and Todd are fictional characters, and so is the company Caroline works for. Nothing here is directed at any real person on planet Earth specifically. It is directed at any and all people who operate like this, in any way.
The setup
Frederick has a childhood friend named Todd. Todd has a sister named Esmeralda. Esmeralda has a coworker named Caroline, and Caroline has a crush on Frederick. So Caroline asked Esmeralda to bring him along to dinner, the three of them, at a place with checkered tablecloths and a piano in the corner.
Frederick arrives. Caroline waves him over. Esmeralda passes on a hello from Todd. Drinks and appetizers are discussed. Then Caroline asks Frederick about himself, and he tells her, because he is that kind of person. Then Frederick asks Caroline about herself, and she tells him, because she is that kind of person too.
That is as far as we will go. The song tells the rest, and the cartoon draws it.
Charity worker
Works at the charity center across the town square. Rent support, school supplies, keeping the lights on for people who cannot. No rings, no kids of his own, never feels like he works alone. Brings a guitar to dinner, apparently.
Claims department
Works at a dental insurance company, in the department that says no. Three kids at home. Very supportive bosses. Has a crush on Frederick for roughly the length of an appetizer.
Also claims department
Todd's sister and Caroline's coworker. Says very little, which turns out to be a choice. Owns an oven, and remembers it at exactly the right moment.
Not at dinner
Frederick's childhood friend and Esmeralda's brother. Says hi. That is his whole part, and he is the only person in this story who comes out of it looking fine.
Where the real facts live. Caroline is the joke. The evidence is on the other pages of this site: what a plan must do when it says no, how long it has to answer your dentist, who owns the three plans, and every fine on the record. Each of those pages shows its sources. This one has a brass section.
The small print, in large print
Charity Boy, Frederick, Caroline, Esmeralda and Todd are a work of parody, written and produced by this project. None of them is a real person. The dental insurance company Caroline works for is invented, and so are its bosses, its vault and its trophy.
Nothing in the cartoon is directed at any real person on planet Earth specifically. It is directed at any and all people who operate like this, in any way, wherever they happen to work. If you operate like this and feel seen, that is between you and the mirror in the second act.
The words Caroline sings, and the words Frederick says back to her, are a song's words about a fictional character. They are not findings about any company, any plan, any executive or any employee. The facts on this site are on the other pages, and each of them shows its sources. Not sponsored by the State of California, DHCS, Medi-Cal Dental or any managed care plan. Not legal, medical or dental advice.
If you think we have crossed a line, our corrections policy applies to Caroline too.
Read it without the brass
Charity Boy, as performed by the cast. Three minutes and thirty two seconds.
Caroline: Frederick! Over here! Oh, you made it, I'm so glad!
Esmeralda: Hey Frederick. Todd says hi.
Frederick: Hey Esmeralda! Nice to see you. And thank you for the invite, Caroline. Should we... put in for some drinks and appetizers first before dinner?
Caroline: Oh, I'll take whatever you're having, Frederick. You have such good taste.
Frederick: Oh, uh, okay. Potato skins it is! So Caroline, you were asking about me? No rings on my finger, no branch on my tree. Never been married, no kids of my own, But I never feel like I'm working alone. I'm at the charity center across the town square, Helping the widows and orphans find care. School supplies, rent support, keeping on the lights, Making sure the elderly make it through the nights. It's not about the money, it's the people that I see. I just love helping people, you know? But what about you two? You work at the dental insurance company, right? You have three kids, Caroline? What exactly do you do?
The music changes. Caroline stands up. On the table.
Caroline: Oh, we work in the exact same department, it's true! And our job is to deny, deny, deny till we're blue! Keep the money in the bank, lock the treasure in the vault, If a poor person suffers, well, it's their own fault! We deny the claims! We send them in a spin! Willful misconduct is the way that we win! We violate their rights, and we ghost them on the phone, It's the greatest little system that the world has ever known! Billionaire shareholders are the ones we must obey, So we take the poor's money and we throw their claims away! And my bosses are so supportive! When things get tricky, they just coach me! They always say: "Caroline, poor people can't defend themselves, and no one will believe them anyways!" It's just a job, right? The more we approve, the faster we get the axe!
The music stops.
Frederick: I... I can't believe what I am hearing. Esmeralda... you do this too?
Esmeralda: Look at the time! I... I left my oven on! I have to go!
Esmeralda is gone. Frederick stands up.
Frederick: Caroline, wait. Stop talking. Just... stop. You have three kids at home. After a full day of being a disgusting, sad excuse for a human being... After a day of actively hurting poor people and denying care that they desperately need... How do you go home and hug your own children? How do you hold them, knowing you just illegally denied someone else's kids care?
Caroline: How dare you! I work hard for my children! I would do anything for them! If I don't work, I can't pay rent! I'd be poor! I'd be just like the losers I deny care to!
Frederick: Waiter? Here is a twenty. That covers my half of the appetizers. I'm leaving.
A chair scrapes. Frederick is gone too.
Caroline: Fine! Leave! Go! You don't make enough money for me anyways, charity boy! WAITER! Bring me a margarita!
A cymbal. The piano comes back in, as if nothing happened.
Written and produced by this project. A work of parody. Free to reuse with attribution.
If a real letter, a real phone call or a real dinner ever sounded like this, we would like to hear about it. What happened, and when. No names needed.
